Flashbacks from my childhood.. *twitches.. somehow the thought of marriage was constantly brought up and engraved in my mind.. In my mind it was the solution to everything.. Even as a kid i didnt know what it meant but somehow from the way people around me were talking about it and praying for it to happen i knew I WANTED IT!
So starts STAGE 1 the OBSESSION.
And you either grow up in a home with parents who didnt really love each other anymore , or never loved each to start with and are together for the kids sake and make it essential to remind their kids how much they hate each other and how they are miserable and that the reason they are together is YOU. And the only time your dad holds your mothers hands is occasionally when they are having breakfast ( fool and humus) and he asks her to pass him the ” KHUBZEH” ( bread) and he touches her hand or finger to be specific unintentionally.. you reach a point where you want to say MIN SHAN ALLAH I6alaGGGGoooo … ( For Gods SAKE GET A FREAKIN DIVORCE!”
ORRR you are brought in a home where your parents have an AMAZING love story to share and till this day your dad flirts with your mom and praises her to you.. erm ( not very common but surprisingly exits) Something like i knew she was the one when i saw her in school 40 years ago i still remember how her hair hair would fall perfectly on her forehead.. BLA BLA BLA. ok ok we get the point.. *not a fan of love stories anymore..
So you start to create this dream in your mind.. this mental image of how your life will be like.. how your future husband will be.. how you will never end up like your parents or how you want to have a story just like theirs..
STAGE 2 Mr Lova Lova
You meet someone.. years and years after you have already planned your life in your head. Every boy/guy you meet is instantly on
your potential 3arees SCAN check list..
cute ( check), smart ( check), funny (check) he smiles and exposes his bad yellow teeth..
*crumbles check list paper… 3arees eliminated..
You have waited for this person all your life.. you rejected many.. regretted some experiences.. finally HE IS HERE.. the man of your dreams.. he looks just about how you imagined him to be.. not to short that he looks up to you (literally) not too tall that even with your high heels on you need to jump to kiss him on the cheek .. he seems to share the same interests.. he seems to be interested in you.. All those photos that you have seen and said ” THIS Is how my family will be” are refreshed in your memory.
* AT LASST MY LOVE HAS come along.. plays in your head
Everything is in slow motion.. in 5 seconds you played your future wedding, labor as he holds your hand and asks you to push, fwd a few years later you are surrounded by cute kids and are now in the park holding hands as you push your very cute adorable not mention quiet baby in their fancy stroller… then you walk to your picnic area and you have this basket full of yummy food .. you get the picture.. back to reality now… soooo
You meet the ONE.. and everything he does makes you more and more attached to your dreams and hopes of the future. You waited so long so he HAS to be like… AMAZING!
And the love story begins.. and this is i truly the best part in any relationship.. the part where you are too happy to see the signs.. the part where you are still living in that bubble of love and are convinced that this person will NEVER ever EVA EVA EVA let you down.. This person will be the answer to yours prayers.. He will make your troubles disappear.. you are blinded by LOVE!
He is still trying to win your heart at this stage.. so anything you say.. even is you say the stupidest things like ” ERMM you know i truly believe we all have the ability to move things with our eyes.. if i focus too much.. ermm ” he looks at you with eyes full of love ” Ohh.. you can do anything with those beautiful eyes” * giggles * blushes
You share a fact you read in some article.. ” Did you know they found out that .. bla bla” he seems sincere when he says.. ohh REALLY i didnt know such an interesting fact!
He surprises you with gifts and flowers.. those surprises you know he really planned.. and took the time to make the gift truly personal.. takes you to a place you mentioned you loved.. got you something you’ve been wanting for so long.. You were just together but he calls you on the way home and when you are home you continue talking till you are so sleepy and he refuses to shut the phone… then there is that cheesy phase of
“inta saker.. la inti.. la inta” You shut the phone no you shut the phone..
And He cant keeps his hands off you and you are now living your UTOPIAN Dream..
STAGE 3 AL SADMA ( ZA shock)
So this stage comes after a long time into the relationship.. first 2 yearsa are the hardest.. usually after you are already married.. He knows he has your heart.. takes you for granted… You start to notice how he hardly talks to you anymore.. even on the phone its like there is nothing to say.. and when there is something to say it usually ends up in an argument on who is right.. you share a random fact to make conversation and he replies by things ” WHERE DO U GET YOUR FACTS FORM? Sayedati?? Zahrat al khaleej? Facebook? Do u believe everything you READ” ermmm i was actually just trying to start a conversation..
You both have no patience for each other.. and suddenly each one of you gets on eachs others nerves.. because you are both sick of having the same exact arguments everyday..
Your kids.. oh your kids.. ya waeili.. They are not how you planned them to be.. quiet and cute.. obedient.. They are LOUD.. They DONT SLEEP.. They will drive you MAD.. Your labor.. was not a beautiful experience.. Your husband did try to hold your hand like the movies but you wanted to RIP IT OFF cause your pain was INTOLERABLE!
You are now physically a mess.. You have a billion errands to run everyday.. taking kids to school, groceries, cooking, cleaning, pick them up from school, feed them, bathe them, deal with their tantrums, make sure you don’t look scary.. you are so exhausted everyday and the least you wanna hear is something sweet… like aww i cant imagine my life without you.. you are a dream come true.. like the things you used to hear instead you hear…
” Why is there no salt in this?” ” Why did you fold my socks like that now you ruined the elastic!” ” Did you read to the kids today? You need to read to them because its important” Did you FIND that shirt i was looking for?? Im sure you lost it and maybe even gave it away by mistake like you did last time.. ermm why does the house smell like BASAL (onions)”
And at this point… you turn into… THE TERMINATOR…. WALAK SHUUUUUUUUUUU BITGOOOOL!!!!!!
So overall.. things are not at all the way they used to be and in the end of the day BETFAJRU Ba3d… ( you DESTROY each other)
STAGE 4 Meeting Half Way.. Acceptance.. Denial… Call it whatever you need to call it..
So yes.. you know know the truth about your relationship which is applicable to any other relationship.. its not just blind love and cuddling under the blanket as you drink hot cocoa.. Men and woman are so very different.. we are wired differently.. We see the world differently.. Woman are more emotional and Men are more Traditional..
Once you accept each others ways.. Accept that Him bringing you groceries today was actually his way of being Romantic.. Accept that He also had a dream girl in his head and maybe you too have crushed his dream.. Maybe he didn’t know woman farted… (mostly in thier sleep btw) Maybe he thought kids were just CUTE too… Maybe he thought you were a version of his mom! Maybe he is thought a lot of things..
So Step one to fixing any relationship.. FORMAT your IDEALISTIC DREAMS.. Delete your expectations.. especially those unrealistic ones.. Start seeing the positive and not only the negative… When you see something positive POINT IT OUT to him.. dont only just yell the negative things he did or didnt do…
He will break your heart many times.. sometimes intentionally.. sometimes unintentionally.. he will make you feel like Kaka.. And you will ask yourself WHy wHY on earth DID I EVER GET MARRIED! … then you start to remember that there were indeed good times.. and that the Good will overcome the bad.. and once you let yourself forgive you will slowly learn to forget.. and the bigger your heart is.. the better the chances your marriage will work..
There is no 100 % happy marriage.. There is reality.. and lots of shit happens.. But there are things you overcome together.. that makes your bond stronger.. that makes your love move to different type of love.. it might not be like the titanic.. but it is love.. he will rush you to the hospital if you are sick or in pain.. and cry if something happens to you.. he will provide for you and your family by working all day.. to him that is the most important thing.. to give you everything you want or wish for.. he will take you out once in a while.. maybe he wont talk much but you have reached a point where even after sitting together in silence you feel you had nice conversation ( not all the time sometimes its not to have a little gerger)..
He needs you.. you need him.. You complete each other.. and you will disagree about a lot of things.. but accept each other the way you are.. Accept love in all its forms.. even if it comes in the form of la7meh mafroomeh ( minced meat) for cooking .. don’t try to change him and learn to love to love the person infront of you and let go of that fantasy in your head.. becuase frankly it does not exist… maybe fel JANNA.. ( in heaven) inshalaa
Maybe you can end up like this couple…